Why Is This Happening To Me?
IIn 1954, Dr. Julian Rotter began measuring what he called a student locus of control. He said you have a save locus of control or an within locus of control.
Those who have a external locus of control believe that fate or external forces control the outcomes of their lives. Life happened to me. They are so busy reacting to life that they leave everything to someone else—it is someone else’s responsibility. For example, saying, “A professor gave me a bad grade,” indicates an external locus of control. This happened to me. “They did it, so I had to do that.”
People who have a internal locus of control are people who believe they are responsible and in control of their own success. They take personal responsibility. “I own it.”
Your perception of a problem will determine your experience in dealing with it. Your experience is based on your perception. You usually can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your perception of it and, thus, how it affects you. If you have an external locus of control, then you don’t believe in that.
You need to shift your focus. It’s not an easy transition. I know. It is natural to turn inward when in the midst of trouble or trouble. But the way out, the way to recovery, is to see your problem as part of a bigger whole—a different context. We need to expand our thinking.
Each problem has the potential to give you a stronger foundation from which to face the next obstacle. It builds resilience.
To get where you want to go, you have to learn the things you are in the middle of. Perseverance means a process—a journey. And it is in that journey, if we stick to it—if we persevere—that we develop maturity and wholeness. Our tendency in this journey is to try to avoid all the inconveniences, troubles, and problems that come our way. We will fight it.
We need to reframe it. It’s not about what you’re fighting for but understanding what you’re fighting for?
We fight for stability. We fight for strength. We are fighting for survival. We fight for patience. We fight for growth. We are fighting for hope.
Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” ask, “Why did this happen? with me?” You can redeem your status. Many times, I think we can all look back and think, “Wow. I would not be the person I am today without what happened to me. I shouldn’t have chosen. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it built something precious in me. And I’m better for it.”
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